


ayameshu

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Black Mirror Fusion, Angst, Death and Afterlife, M/M, Romance, disability and terminal illness, neurotechnological utopia, nyanta cameo, side transgender chara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:17:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Here in Ayameshu, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.





	ayameshu

**Author's Note:**

> based off the san junipero episode of black mirror s3. the name "ayameshu" comes from shige's neverland solo "ayame" (iris) and one of the japanese suffixes used to label islands.

The early 2000s is his favorite genre. The music, for one; Shige finds it hard to stay still when the speakers bump with bubble gum pop and EDM. The simplicity of the acoustic system brings back ancient memories and it's easy to let loose, moving his body to the beat in ways he hasn't done in years.

Here in Ayameshu, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

The crowd is more of the same. Mostly locals and frequent tourists, rarely a new face. By now, Shige knows everyone who populates the main club on the boardwalk, if just in passing. He's made some friends over the years, like Massu the fashionista chef and Tegoshi the transgender singer, but nobody has piqued his interest for quite a while now.

He knows better than to get too close to anyone here. He's only visiting.

The dancefloor is packed and Shige gets overwhelmed easily. When the tempo slows down, he takes the opportunity to step outside for a cigarette, the nicotine surging through his system like an electric shock with each drag. He leans back against the wall, feeling the bass thump from the other side and relaxes considerably, no worries and no pain.

"Can I get one of those?"

Shige's head lolls to the side, his eyes focusing on a tall, thin man with fluffy hair and single lids. He's wearing a denim jacket with random English words bedazzled all over it, which makes Shige smile. He loves throwbacks, even if they're ugly.

"Yeah, sure." Shige pulls out another stick for the newcomer, taking it upon himself to light it too. "I'm Kato Shigeaki. Haven't seen you around here before."

The man inhales before responding, his eyes rolling back in some kind of orgasmic bliss as he undoubtedly feels a similar reaction as Shige had on his first drag. "Koyama Keiichiro," comes out along with his exhale. "This is my first time."

"What do you think?" Shige asks, gesturing to the world around them. "It's amazing, isn't it?"

"It's so real," Koyama replies, and Shige smiles at the memory of his first couple visits. "Do you come here often?"

"Every week," Shige answers.

Koyama nods, still staring in awe at the ocean ahead of them and the boardwalk behind them. Shige leaves him to it, not wanting to overload him on his first visit, but as soon as Koyama crushes his butt into the nearby ashtray, Shige's grabbing onto his arm.

"Let's dance."

He escorts Koyama all the way back into the club, where Koyama surveys the presumably heterosexual pairings already dancing together and hesitates at the edge of the dancefloor. "Is it really okay?"

"I know for a fact that one of those women has a penis," Shige tells him, and Koyama makes the cutest expression of innocent awe. "There's no discrimination in this genre. It's fine if we dance together."

Reluctantly, Koyama allows himself to be led through the throngs of people, and his face lights up when Shige turns to face him. They start to move together.

"I've never done this before!" Koyama yells over the music.

"Dancing with a man?" Shige asks knowingly.

"No. Dancing at all."

"Really?" Shige's curious, but he doesn't like to pry into other people's lives when he's here. He knows he wouldn't want to talk about his. "Well, now's your chance."

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Koyama exclaims with a laugh, and he sure doesn't. He's just kind of bouncing from side to side, off the beat. "I'm trying to copy you, but it's going too fast."

Shige reaches his hands out in silent invitation, and Koyama accepts them. Touching another person feels so surreal; Shige can't remember the last time he willingly made contact with anyone here. Koyama's grip is strong but there's no guidance behind it, both arms pliant for Shige to move on his own, blending Koyama's enthusiastic bouncing into some semblance of dancing.

Koyama's grin lights up Shige's life. "This feels great!"

"Yeah," Shige agrees, and as if on cue the music slows down. "We can dance closer, if it's okay."

Koyama bites his lip nervously, but nods. "Okay."

He wraps his arms around Shige's shoulders as Shige's hands drop to Koyama's narrow hips, leading the two of them to move together much more intimately. Koyama seems to know the basics of slow-dancing, probably from movies or watching others, and Shige inhales sharply at all the simultaneous physical contact.

When he opens his eyes, Koyama's staring at his face, and Shige's mesmerized by the sight of those single lids close up.

"You're beautiful," Koyama says, quieter now that he doesn’t have to yell. "Am I allowed to say that?"

"Yeah," Shige answers, a heat flushing his face that he hasn't felt in a long time. "Thank you. You're not too bad yourself."

Now Koyama's the one turning pink, and Shige finds himself wondering what other reactions this one has. "Thanks."

"Do you want to get out of here?" Shige asks carefully. "I have a rental on the beach."

Koyama's nodding before Shige's done talking. "Yes. Let's go."

Despite the blatant consent, Koyama is much more awkward than anyone Shige has brought home like this. It's cute in an innocent way, like back when Shige was in high school and sex was a Big Deal. Usually, the patrons of Ayameshu are all about pleasure and immediate gratification, so there isn't much build-up when two (or more) parties want to be together that way.

Perhaps Koyama hasn't been with a man before. That's highly probable, given Japan's lack of social evolution in comparison to other countries. At first, Shige was blown away by how diverse and accepting certain genres of Ayameshu were, though he's learned since then not to be surprised by anything that happens here.

"Wow," Koyama says when he walks into Shige's beach house. "This view is amazing."

Shige gives Koyama his space to walk around and check everything out. Shige himself hasn't been here for a while, having found no one to be alone with in the past couple months, so he's enamored by the sight as well. It's a single room with floor-to-ceiling windows and a jacuzzi tub in one of the corners. A canopy bed sits in the very middle, facing the ocean that sparkles under the moonlight.

"Do you like to be watched or something?" Koyama asks, and it's such a straightforward question that Shige thinks he might have pegged this one all wrong.

"Nobody can see in," Shige replies. "It's one-way glass."

Koyama nods as he approaches the edge of the jacuzzi tub. "Can we actually use this?"

"Yes." Shige slips past him to turn the taps, both of them watching as water fills the tub at a speed that defies physics. "There are scents and colors too."

"Vanilla," Koyama says immediately, then sheepishly backtracks. "If that's okay."

"I'm fine with vanilla," Shige assures him, and Koyama's grateful smile has him wondering out loud, "Why vanilla?"

"Reminds me of home."

That seems to be all of the information Koyama wants to volunteer, and Shige is mildly glad. Most of the people who come here have unhappy stories and reliving them defeats the very purpose of this place. Even so, Koyama seems to have led a more deprived life than most, but that just means that Shige can take it upon himself to make Koyama's visit worthwhile.

"Can I take your clothes off?" Shige asks, veins itching to see what's under that hideous jacket.

"Can you kiss me first?" Koyama replies, his voice laced with a hint of sarcasm, and they both laugh.

"Yeah," Shige answers, offering an apologetic glance as he turns off the taps. The tub is full already. "I'm sorry for moving so fast."

"It's okay," Koyama tells him, closing the distance between them the instant Shige stands back up. "I want to, but I'm nervous. Please go slow."

"Absolutely." Shige pulls him into a hug, feeling the shakes of uncertainty that take him back to his first time with someone here. "I'll take care of you."

It's Koyama who leans back and presses their lips together, sending shocks of a different kind coursing all throughout Shige's body. The familiar soar of arousal starts to take over, but Shige pushes it down in favor of Koyama's comfort. If the hands that are clutching onto his shoulders are any indication, Koyama's in a similar state.

"This feels so amazing," Koyama whispers between kisses, the constant press of their lips together making Shige's mind spin. "I've never felt anything like this before."

"Everything feels better here," Shige tells him, keeping his own hands firm on Koyama's hips. "It's the basis of its appeal."

Koyama's tongue licks the seam of Shige's lips and Shige parts them for him, tightening his grip as their kiss deepens and Shige can't think of anything except getting Koyama naked. His fingers dip under whatever kind of shirt is under the jacket, his breath hitching at the way Koyama's warm skin shudders beneath his touch.

"Okay," Koyama says breathlessly, offering a smile as he pulls back to look down into Shige's eyes. "You may take off my clothes now."

He returns to Shige's mouth and Shige has his clothes on the floor in seconds, his own ensemble relieved by Koyama's eager hands. Blindly, Shige navigates them into the tub, his skin tingling at Koyama's moan upon submerging himself in the warm, vanilla-scented water.

Koyama's body settles naturally on Shige's lap, one thigh on either side of his. Shige's hands roam freely, up Koyama's back and down around Koyama's backside, fueled by enthusiastic kisses and Koyama's own hands twisting in his hair. Shige is _so hard_ and Koyama is too, their cocks periodically bumping each other in the fizzy water and eliciting additional noises to die on each other's tongues.

"I want you," Koyama hisses, and Shige groans low in his throat. "Can we do it just like this?"

He emphasizes his question with a rock of his hips, making it clear how he intends to have sex with Shige right here in the jacuzzi tub, and Shige struggles to focus through his seduced mind in order to nod. The creators of the tub had anticipated this type of activity and gave the water lubricating properties, so Shige can slip his hand between Koyama's legs and press a finger inside him, feeling the muscles tighten around him with just enough resistance to make it feel good for both of them.

"Oh," Koyama gasps, tearing his mouth away to press his face into Shige's neck. "More, Shige. I'm so fucking turned on. This entire place is an aphrodisiac."

Shige laughs. Koyama's not exaggerating. "I got you."

He pushes in a second finger, and then a third, stretching Koyama more than necessary to get him used to the intrusion. Koyama's pushing back against his fingers and it's so hot; Shige prods him a bit longer until Koyama's thrashing on top of him, moaning and begging for Shige to fuck him now.

"You're the one in control," Shige reminds him, leaning up to speak into Koyama's ear. "Take it whenever you want."

Koyama seems to remember that he's on top and actively yanks Shige's hand out of the way, pausing to appreciate Shige's moan when he takes Shige's cock in hand. "Do we need to use a condom?"

"No," Shige answers, and Koyama lowers himself down. Shige's head falls back, but it's only temporary before he forces it back up to watch Koyama take all of him in, sinking down until he's sitting on Shige's thighs. "Okay?"

"Perfect," Koyama gets out, and Shige chokes on his air when Koyama starts to move. "I never knew how good this could feel."

Shige smiles despite the raw sex, his own hips pushing up to meet Koyama's efforts and go deeper. Koyama's moaning with every breath, providing a beautiful melody for Shige's monotonous bassline. Koyama may not have had much rhythm on the dancefloor, but he certainly does when he rides, his body squeezing Shige with every rock forward. It's tight and hot and perfect, leaving Shige with just enough coherence to breathe and thrust back as they continue to move in the enchanted water together.

Then Koyama pries one hand away from Shige's shoulders and shoves it between them, pulling himself off in time with his efforts, and everything gets so much more intense. Shige belatedly realizes that he should be the one doing this, covering Koyama's hand with his to aid in getting him off, and Koyama cries out even more at the faster pace.

"I'm gonna come," Koyama says, and Shige leans up to kiss along Koyama's wet collarbone. "Oh, Shige, I'm coming."

Shige's so mesmerized by the sight of Koyama's orgasm that he doesn't think twice about being addressed so casually. They _are_ having sex, after all. Maybe Koyama grew up in a time after the Japanese abolished the honorific system. Regardless, Koyama can call him whatever he wants as long as he doesn't _stop_ , which he seems to have no intention to as he keeps riding Shige even after he's spent.

"Are you okay to keep going?" Shige asks in concern. "I can pull out and finish myself."

"As hot as that would be, I'm good like this," Koyama tells him, his voice all air. "I still feel aftershocks each time you're deep inside me."

"In that case..." Shige trails off as he grabs Koyama by both cheeks of his ass and takes over, upsetting the water with the force of his thrusts. Koyama's moaning and Shige's grunting and it doesn't take long for Shige to reach that ephemeral edge, pushing himself over with what feels like an explosion of static electricity.

"Are you okay?" Koyama asks softly, and Shige nods. "Is it supposed to be that intense?"

"Probably," Shige says, gently lifting Koyama up so that he can pull out. "I'll never get used to it."

"Do this a lot?" Now Koyama's voice is teasing.

"When I first started coming here, I did," Shige answers honestly, settling back against the jacuzzi jets as he extends an arm in invitation. "Lost its appeal after a while."

Koyama hums as he snuggles under the proffered arm. "That's what took me so long to come here. I thought it was nothing but orgies."

Shige laughs out loud. "If only. No, strangely enough, everyone keeps to themselves. It seems that we're not as sex-crazed of a generation as the ones who designed this place."

"Have you always been into men?" Koyama asks suddenly. "Or is it just here?"

"I don't know how to answer that," Shige says, frowning at his options. "I was married to a woman most of my adult life, but my heart never wavered from her. Before I met her, homosexuality simply wasn't an option, so I didn't consider it."

"Same," Koyama agrees. "I think it's okay to like both? I hear the kids these days are into pansexuality and nonconforming genders. It makes concepts like hetero- and homosexuality obsolete."

"I hear similar stories." Shige feels a pang of sadness as he thinks about his regular life, which clues him to the time. "It's almost midnight, isn't it?"

Koyama looks around as much as he can without pulling out of Shige's embrace. "How can you tell what time it is?"

Sure enough, the dreaded tug in the back of Shige's mind has his surroundings starting to deteriorate, including Koyama. "I have to go now. Maybe I'll see you around, if you decide to return."

"Wait—"

And he's gone.

*

"Welcome back, Shige."

Shige grunts as the nurse removes the metal piece from his temple. It's always a bitch coming back from Ayameshu, though the pain doesn't return full-force. At least the creators had taken that into consideration.

"You seemed to have fun this time," Kotaki comments, his overly cheerful tone making Shige want to punch him in the face. "Did you meet someone?"

"None of your business," Shige answers, frowning at his gravelly voice. "I'd like to sleep now."

Kotaki's smile wavers. They're not related, but Shige sees in him a younger version of himself, only much taller and less polite. "As you wish, Shige."

It takes a couple tries to get Shige out of the armchair, but only because he insists on walking. Kotaki makes him use a wheelchair for longer distances, but the bed is only a few steps away. With as unsteady on his feet as he is though, those few steps are enough to leave him exhausted as soon as he manages to get horizontal.

"Good night, Shige," Kotaki says as he turns out the light. "I'll be back first thing in the morning to take you to chemotherapy."

Shige tries not to think about how his body is giving up on him, forcing his mind back to Ayameshu and the beautiful person he had met there tonight. While he knows it's a dream this time, it helps to hold off his reality for a little while longer.

*

"There you are!"

Shige glances up from where he's precariously holding his teacup, eyes widening when he sees who's practically falling into the doorway of the tatami room. "Koyama?"

"I've searched nearly every genre looking for you!" Koyama exclaims, clutching his obi as he gasps for breath. "Are you avoiding me?"

"Not exactly," Shige answers. "Please, join me for tea."

Koyama looks severely out of place in feudal Japan, despite wearing yukata with the proper hairstyle. Not for the first time, Shige wonders what era Koyama lived in where he's so unaccustomed to basic Japanese traditions.

"Thank you," Koyama says as he kneels opposite Shige, bewildered when a geisha pours him a cup of tea.

Then the geisha clears her throat, and Shige tries not to roll his eyes. Koyama's not the only one out of place here. "This is Tegoshi Yuuko," he introduces. "She's a good friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you," Koyama says, bowing his head in the old-fashioned greeting, and Shige supposes he does have some understanding of formality after all. "What are you doing here?"

"I like to visit the historical genres when I'm feeling particularly stressed," Shige explains. "Tegoshi usually accompanies me because she loves performing as a geisha."

"I'm really good at it too," Tegoshi adds, and Koyama just nods.

"Okay, but it's been three weeks and I haven't seen you at the beach house," Koyama goes on. "I don't know what kind of person you take me for, but I don't appreciate being fucked and abandoned even in a simulation."

Tegoshi sucks air in through her red lips and gets to her feet. "I'll leave you two alone."

"I'm sorry that I abandoned you," Shige says firmly, folding his hands on his knees as he speaks. He appreciates how the men of this era conducted themselves and makes every effort to emulate it when he visits. "I should have been up front with you that I'm not looking for anything serious."

"You're not looking for anything serious?" Koyama repeats with a scoff. "That Nishikido guy was right. I can't believe I wasted my time searching for you."

Shige makes a face at his ex's name. "I'm sorry you had to meet him too."

"He told me where you were," Koyama goes on. "Said that you would come here to get away from him when you were seeing each other. You told him that he wasn't allowed to bother you in this genre."

"Ryo was the first person I hooked up with here and I didn't know any better," Shige says abrasively. "That was such a long time ago anyway. I can't believe he's still pissed off about it."

"Actually, he looked rather happy that I was suffering," Koyama huffs. "I'm sorry that I bothered you. I've never been that intimate with anybody before, and I mistakenly thought it meant you would want to see me again. I'll leave now."

"Wait," Shige says, halting Koyama mid-rise. "Never, with anyone?"

"I was injured at a young age," Koyama says, looking down at where he's playing with his fingers. "My disability didn't leave me that desirable to others, so while I accomplished a lot and led a successful life despite the odds, there wasn't anyone who wanted to be with me that way."

Shige wants to ask what Koyama's disability is, but he doesn't think Koyama wants anyone else feeling sorry for him. He can relate to that very much. "I'm sorry, Koyama, but I don't plan on staying here after I die. Getting involved with you would only make it hurt worse when I eventually stop coming back."

"You don't want to stay?" Koyama asks incredulously. "Why not?"

"My wife didn't get the luxury of spending eternity in Ayameshu, so I won't either," Shige says firmly. "She passed while it was still in beta testing. When I go, I want to be with her."

Koyama lifts his eyes, and he looks like he's about to cry. "I'm so sorry, Shige. I had no idea."

"I know it won't be the same," Shige continues, his own voice choking up as he remembers his only love. "But at the same time, I don't think it's right to have fun and be happy when she wasn't given the same opportunity."

"I can understand your feelings," Koyama says softly. "Until then, can we be together? We don't have to be exclusive, but I haven't felt anything for anyone that even compares to what I feel for you. Even if it's temporary, I'd like to enjoy it while it lasts."

Shige looks at him for a long time, scrutinizes those single lids that glisten back at him with held-back emotions. Recalls their night together, how perfect it was and how good he felt, even after returning to real life. Remembers his dreams where he gives into his selfish desires and remains in Ayameshu with Koyama forever, turning his rental into a permanent dwelling and spending eternity watching the waves crash onto the shore with Koyama in his arms.

"As long as you know it'll come to an end," Shige reluctantly agrees, and Koyama's face lights up brighter than the first time they'd met. "There won't be any changing my mind, so if you go into this expecting me to stay, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak."

"Understood," Koyama agrees, visibly bouncing from excitement. "Can we go to a more recent genre? I don't think the people of this era are as accepting as I want to be with you right now."

"After dinner," Shige says. "I promised Masuda he could cook a historical meal, and it would be rude not to eat it."

Koyama laughs. "It's a deal."

*

Weeks pass and Shige doesn't remember being so happy. He loved his wife, of course, but the struggles and responsibilities of the real world pale in comparison to the carefree existence in Ayameshu. Shige understands now why this technology is limited to the elderly and the terminally ill—he certainly wouldn't have wasted so much time working and doing chores if he had another option.

"I'm engaged," Koyama confesses after two solid months of dancing and making love. "It's not what you think—she's my aide. We're getting married so that she can legally make decisions for me."

He seems surprised when Shige's not mad, which has Shige letting out an incredulous bark of laughter. "Marriage means nothing here," he says. "I'm glad you have someone to take care of you though."

"She's great," Koyama says fondly, his nude form stretching out next to Shige in a way that's more enticing than the ocean outside. "Rina-chan is like a friend to me. She tells me everything about her life, even though I can't reply. Before I was eligible to come here, I lived vicariously through her."

"Why can't you reply?" Shige asks. Despite all the time they've spent together, they don't talk about their real lives much. Simply existing and enjoying each other's company is much less depressing.

"I'm in a coma," Koyama says simply. "I have been since before I met you. I live in the inpatient ward at Toudai Hospital now. I don't have any next of kin to take me off life support, so Rina-chan has to marry me to do it."

It's as depressing as Shige expected. Even though he's on death's doorstep himself, hearing about it while in this young body makes him sad. Then he remembers the hospital Koyama had named, and— "I have my cancer treatments there! I live in a nursing home nearby. I could visit you!"

Koyama blinks. "I-I don't know. I'm not going to look like this."

Shige laughs. "I don't look like this either, obviously."

"Wouldn't that ruin the whole image?" Koyama asks, frowning in thought. "I'd much rather you see me the way I am now, not unresponsive and hooked up to machines."

"I won't stay long," Shige insists. "I wouldn't be able to anyway. I can't get around as well as I used to."

That has Koyama smiling again. "If you insist, then it's okay with me. I haven't had a visitor since my niece moved away."

"I never have visitors," Shige admits. "I'm an only child, and my wife and I didn't have kids. My parents were long gone before I was diagnosed. It's just been me and my aide Kotaki for years now."

"Such a lonely existence," Koyama says, his eyes wide and shiny. "Definitely come visit me then. I won't be able to show it, but I'll be really happy to meet you. I swear."

"I'll fight for it," Shige promises.

*

It takes three weeks and two petitions for Shige to be granted permission to visit Koyama in the hospital. Shige doesn't understand why he simply can't go upstairs after one of his chemo treatments, but apparently it's much more involved than that. Even the creators had to weigh in on it. This is the first known instance of two Ayameshu patrons meeting in real life, and everyone wants to make sure it's not going to hinder the technology any.

Shige thinks that's a load of horseshit, but he's a firm advocator of technology staying out of human life. Things like medical advancements and Ayameshu are okay, but once they start manufacturing the human body, he gets a little creeped out. Even if it means a longer life, he doesn't want any kind of computer chip inside him.

The day he's finally allowed to meet Koyama is the same day Koyama's getting married. Shige dresses up for the occasion, barking at Kotaki to iron his suit properly and shine his shoes. He doesn't have much hair left, but Kotaki produces an old fedora of his grandfather's and Shige thinks he's an all right kid after all.

Yamashita Rina meets him in the cafeteria, where she insists that they sit down in order to go over Koyama's condition before she takes him upstairs. Shige still doesn't know what kind of disability Koyama has, supposing that he would find out whenever they met in real life.

"Kei has been a quadriplegic since he was sixteen years old," Rina tells him, and Shige's heart aches in sympathy. "He was hit by a drunk driver back when humans drove their own cars. The technology to recreate arms and legs didn't exist until his body was too old to accept it. Limb replacements only work up to age forty or fifty. Kei was sixty-two."

Shige frowns. "That was almost thirty years ago."

"Yes," Rina says. "Kei is ninety-one now."

"I'm eighty-eight," Shige says, amazed how close in age they are. "We lived during the same time and never crossed paths until Ayameshu."

"You know for sure, right?" Rina asks, her eyes sparkling inside her winged eyeliner. "Has he told you, in Ayameshu? Is he ready to go?"

Shige nods. "I think so. He wants to stay there, and I don't blame him. He can actually live now."

"Kato-san," Rina says firmly, and Shige lights up at being addressed respectfully for once despite her tone. "Kei led a _phenom_ _e_ _nal_ life. He earned three doctorates and an honorary medical degree. He taught neurotech courses at Toudai. He consulted on the teams that created much of the technology we use now, including Ayameshu. With all due respect, I don't think for one minute that he hasn't _lived_."

"I apologize, Yamashita-san. I misspoke." Shige hangs his head, feeling guilty and a little embarrassed that he didn't know any of this. "I meant in the terms of being with another person. Being...in love."

Rina stares at him for a good number of seconds. "Do you, Kato-san? Do you love him?"

"I do," Shige answers, admitting it easily now that he's in his own body. "Saying it in Ayameshu feels fake, so I haven't told him yet. Part of the reason I wanted to come here today is to tell him in person. He says he can hear everything you say to him, so he might hear me too."

"Everything?" Rina repeats, looking sheepish. "Ah, I've definitely been entertaining him with my silly thoughts all of these years then."

Shige laughs. "He likes hearing about it, so don't worry."

"Won't matter much longer anyway," Rina says with a solemn smile. "Once we're wed, I can remove the life support and he will finally be at peace."

"Forgive me for not staying for that," Shige tells her, and she shakes her head like she hadn't even considered it. "Can we go to him now though? I'm starting to feel tired, and I want to stay long enough for the ceremony."

Rina nods. "Let's go."

She's a much better wheelchair navigator than Kotaki. Shige tries to calm the nerves that have suddenly started fluttering in his chest because he's about to meet _Koyama_ in _real life_. Before his blood pressure can rise too much, Rina wheels him into a standard hospital room, the center of which contains a bed with a familiar face aged by about seventy years.

"I made it," Shige says, boasting proudly even though Rina has to help him get to his feet. "I found you."

Koyama doesn't react. Even if he could talk, he has a tube in his mouth. What seems like a million wires are connected to his arms and chest, but Shige finds one of his hands and grips it firmly. It's lifeless, but he knows Koyama can feel it.

"I love you, Keiichiro," Shige says, using Koyama's given name for the first time. "I came here today to tell you that in person."

"I wonder..." Rina says, smiling apologetically at the government official who is standing by to perform the ceremony. "Kato-san should marry him instead."

"What?" Shige replies, nearly losing his balance as the suggestion seems to pummel straight into him. "You want me to make this decision for him?"

"You know him the best." Rina grins. "And you just said you love him. You're the better choice than me. What do you say?"

"I say..." Shige looks down at Koyama's frail body, all wrinkles and thin hair. "I say 'I do'."

Rina's crying before the official begins the process, and when Shige can no longer focus on Koyama's beautiful _real_ face, he realizes that he is too.

*

"I can't believe you married me!"

Koyama hasn't let go of Shige since Shige arrived in Ayameshu. It's not annoying at all, Shige's aversion of romantic suffocation fading with each word Koyama says, each move he makes, and each breath he takes on his own. All at once Shige knows why Koyama had been reluctant to meet him in real life, because it's quite an adjustment to go from _nothing_ to _everything_.

"It doesn't mean anything here," Shige insists, but he doesn't stop Koyama from clinging to him one bit.

"You can't fool me," Koyama says, all grins. "I heard you crying when you said your vows. You used my given name! I'm so happy!"

"I'm still not staying, Kei," Shige tells him, and even though he expects Koyama's face to fall, it still stings when it does. "I told you in the beginning, right? Don't go into this expecting me to change my mind. I married you because I was the better choice to make the decision to end your life."

"You said you loved me," Koyama says with a sob. "I heard you."

Shige reaches for Koyama's hand, grateful to feel him squeezing back. "I do love you. That doesn't change anything."

"Temporary love," Koyama scoffs. "You're right. That's what I agreed to. Can we at least consummate our marriage?"

"We can definitely do that."

Koyama had obtained a classic red Jeep upon his permanent residency in Ayameshu, the old style that he actually has to drive himself, and the wind whips through their hair as they cruise up the coastline. The only thing better than making love with a view of the ocean is actually making love in _front_ of the ocean, Koyama straddling Shige's waist in the passenger seat as the waves crash nearby. Now someone really could see them, but Shige doesn't care, and Koyama probably never did.

Afterward, they lie in the back of the Jeep with the top open and look up at the stars until the familiar signs of almost midnight start to come.

"I love you too, you know," Koyama says as he starts to pixelate. "You're the only one I've ever loved like this."

For the first time, Shige wishes midnight never had to come.

*

One would think with all of the neurotechnological advancements of the twenty-second century, _someone_ would have discovered the cure for cancer by now. It's the oldest terminal illness, and yet it keeps claiming lives year after year, decade after decade.

Shige's radiation therapy has stopped working completely. Medication only serves to make him comfortable, to lessen the pain. He still has his own mind, but not for much longer. Once he can't make his own decisions anymore, that's it. That's when Kotaki gets the doctor to put him out of his misery. Kato Shigeaki will fight until the very end.

If he's going to change his final wishes, he needs to do so soon. He can't believe he's even considering this, wondering if he's already lost his mind and just hasn't realized it yet, but Kotaki assures him that he's still the insufferable old man he's always been.

He'd called for the paperwork already. It's sitting there, taunting him, the blank box where he would put a check if he wanted to be uploaded to Ayameshu after passing. While his body dies, his mind will live on. Forever.

There are teams of people working on expanding the simulation. Some of the other residents in Shige's nursing home are beta testers for the additional districts, incorporating feedback such as continuing to work or go to school if desired. There was a recent update for pets, and the possibility of children could be in the future. The end goal is to make Ayameshu as close to real life as technology will allow, and the further technology advances in this field, the closer it will get.

If Shige elects to simply die, he won't know if any of that ever happens. He's not scared of death, but he's no longer that keen on seeing what happens when he already knows that Ayameshu is a sure thing. After the life he's led, he's no longer certain that heaven is real, that he will see his wife again, and even if it is and he does, he'll spend the rest of his afterlife wondering what would have happened if he'd stayed in Ayameshu, how much of a second chance at life he would have gotten.

Honestly, Aya would probably punch him in the face if she knew that he'd suffered for her when he could have been happy with someone else, and it's that thought that has him checking the box before he can talk himself out of it again.

Kotaki pretends not to notice, but just before Shige's last coherent thought, he wishes Shige and Koyama a happy eternity together.

*

Shige doesn't tell Koyama right away. Koyama knew that Shige was close to the end of his mortal life, so he would assume that Shige had passed if he didn't return at the regularly scheduled weekly time. They said goodbye every time they were together, not knowing when it would be the last time, and by the most recent visit, Koyama had stopped crying the entire time.

Shige had passed, but he's still here. Everything looks different now that it's forever: the lights are brighter, the music is better quality, and everything he touches leaves a faint tingle on his fingers. He half expected a welcome package, but the updated sensations are nice too. Shige supposes they don't roll out the higher processing until you commit to the service.

Unsurprisingly, the present day genre isn't very inhabited. Just about all of Ayameshu's patrons are elderly in real life and don't care for the styles and music of today. Shige's the only one in the establishment, sitting in a corner booth by himself while a computerized deejay plays dissociative "music," taking the opportunity to think seriously about what he wants to do.

"You're a right piece of shit, you know that?"

Shige looks up at the sound of a voice he hasn't heard in years and narrows his eyes. "What are you even doing here, Nishikido? You didn't live long enough to see this genre."

"He stays in your beach house, you know," Ryo tells him, folding his arms like the cocky youth he is. "He walks around like a zombie, watching everyone dance and have fun but turning away anyone who approaches him. Tegoshi and Masuda tried to befriend him, but he only let them because they're his last connection to _you_."

"A touching story," Shige says dryly. "I learned a long time ago not to believe anything that comes out of your mouth."

Ryo shrugs. "Fine, don't believe me. See if I give a fuck. Just know that while you're sitting here brooding over whatever made you change your mind, that man is alone and miserable because you refuse to commit to more than just a real-life marriage."

That has Shige's attention. The only person here who knew that he and Koyama were married was Koyama. "You've spoken to him?"

"You could say that." Ryo smirks. "Quite a rider, isn't he?"

Physical violence is prohibited here, so Shige's forcibly shoved right back down the instance he stands up with his fist in the air. "How _dare_ you touch him!"

"Hey, he touched me first," Ryo says, holding both hands up in surrender. "I'm a connection to you too."

Shige leaves the genre before he gets even more pissed off, finding himself walking along the familiar shore of the 2000s. It's the middle of the day and he's still not used to seeing daylight here, only a few scattered clouds in the sky to give it aesthetic. Shige wonders if it ever rains here, if anyone had suggested weather patterns on their feedback form. Shige remembers enjoying the rain when he was well enough to appreciate it; now he might never see it again.

He sees the beach house in the distance, laughing at his conscious bringing him here without his active control. He doesn't even know why he's fighting it anymore. As much as he hates to admit it, that bastard Nishikido was right—Shige was refusing to commit to an eternity with Koyama even after committing to an eternity in Ayameshu. He doesn't even have a good excuse, because the only bad thing that happened the last time he'd given his heart to another person is that she'd died. That can't happen to either of them again.

It's only been a few weeks since their last goodbye, but Shige feels lighter when he sees Koyama sitting on the back porch of the beach house, Jeep parked to the side. He's reading something thick and Shige remembers how much of a genius he was in his mortal life, wonders if Koyama would be willing to teach him anything. With all of eternity to spend together, the odds look good.

Koyama doesn't notice him at first, and when he does he just stares like Shige is a mirage.

"Hey," Shige says.

"Hey," Koyama replies, briefly sucking his bottom lip into his mouth before speaking again. "Are you real?"

"Well, no, but neither are you," Shige answers, and Koyama lets a smile slip out. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you right away."

"I get it," Koyama says. "The concept of eternity is terrifying. There is literally no end in sight. We're going to be here _forever_ , spending every waking minute together, and there aren't many places to go if we get sick of each other. You were married before, so you already experienced this kind of close relationship with another person. I haven't."

"I know," Shige gives in, taking the lounge chair next to Koyama's. "I've thought about it a lot, both before I died and after. I had to make sure I wasn't taking the easy way out before I came to you. Please understand that."

"I was mad, but I'm not anymore," Koyama tells him. "I'm just glad you're here now."

Shige reaches for his hand, closing his eyes to the warmth of the sun. "Me too."

A jingling bell and a sound Shige hasn't heard for decades appears between them, a soft furry head pressing against their joined hands. "You got a cat?" he asks incredulously.

"I thought you weren't coming back," Koyama says quietly, scratching the majestic creature under the chin without letting go. "This is Nyanta, my cherished pet from when I was young. It's not really him, of course, but I could design him to look exactly the same."

"He's a big boy," Shige comments, and Nyanta sits straight up like he's proud. "I was always allergic to cats, so I couldn't enjoy them."

"After the accident, Nyanta stayed by my side for seventeen years," Koyama says, his eyes growing glossy in the way Shige has simply come to associate with Koyama's strong emotions. "At first, he was frustrated that I couldn't pet him, but then he started curling up on my chest like feeling my heartbeat was good enough."

The muscles in Shige's face strain from the force of his smile. "I'm glad he's here with you now."

"I'm glad you both are," Koyama replies, and Shige squeezes his hand.

He thinks about bringing up Koyama's tryst with Ryo, then decides not to. The future is so uncertain that Shige's mind is racing, a trait carried over from his original life when decisions were immediate and consequences severe, and he has to remind himself that it's not like that anymore, that Ayameshu is a simulation of peaceful serenity and there's no rush to do anything more than sit like this, hand in hand on a beautiful beach while the smell of the ocean wafts past their noses, along with a hint of vanilla.

They have all the time in the world now.


End file.
